Deep In Thoughts

Hi. It's been quite long since I've blogged and this will be my first post in 2012. I've been really busy. Very busy with school. I think this will just be a really short update. I'm taking time out to blog because I have a lot in mind and have no where to let it out. A lot happened in a very short span of time. Both good and bad.

Okay, let's start with the first week of school. It was not bad. I have Marissa as my desk mate again and I'm very happy with it :) On the second week of school, we had our first meeting for all the clubs, societies, sports & houses. Like last year, I joined Interact Club, Music & Choir, Aerobics & Cheerleading, 4th Unit Rangers & Green House. But this year, I have posts. I am the Secretary for Music & Choir, Form 5 representative for Aerobics & Cheerleading & Board Mistress for 4th Unit Rangers. 'With higher expectations comes more responsibility & effort.'  Yes, that phrase suits this situation very well. I have more weight on my shoulders than before. People & teachers rely on me more. I have to be more active and learn to cooperate with others.

Besides curricular activities, studies are getting very stressful too. I have homework everyday. I normally use about two and a half hours per day to finish up my homework. Yes, that's a lot of homework. I know I'm not supposed to complain since I'm having my SPMs this year and it's my last year of school. But sometimes, I just feel so tired and stressful because of the pressure I get everyday. How I'd wish I can stop time and let everything pause for a while. Time is just passing so fast. I don't think I'm grown up enough to handle my current situation. It seriously takes a very matured person to go through these obstacles.

Why do people have misunderstandings? Is it because human beings are selfish, self-centered, narrow minded? Or maybe it's because of jealousy. You can't blame a person who cares about themselves more than others. It's human nature. You can't have everything that you wish. You can't change everything that you don't like. You can't, you just can't. I don't wish to change anything. I don't do well with changes. Changes scares me. It creeps me out because you don't know how will everything be once it's changed. I know I'm a very insecure person. I don't put trusts in anything. I fear of losing everything if I put too much hope. Well, that's just who I am.

Chinese New Year is coming. It's a very happy and cheerful festival. I don't really feel the excitement & adrenaline this year. Maybe it's because of the family problems I'm having. I'm already getting used to it. It doesn't really bother me anymore. With the death of both my granduncles, I don't think my mum's side will be celebrating much. I don't mind not celebrating. All I want is for all of us to gather together, sit down and talk like how we used to. We used to be so close together. Now, we're all starting to fall apart.

Like I said, I don't like to put too much hope and trust in things especially situations like this. Situations that makes me feel insecure and afraid. But I do pray for a better tomorrow for everything. Who wouldn't want that right? So here I am, with all my heart hoping for everything to be okay soon. For my friends to stop having problems with each other. For my family to be closer and more united. For my family problems to be reduced or better yet, settled. For my studies to be better and most of all for those whom I care and love to be carefree and peace at mind, always. Peace and love, bye. x

When you start to lose all the colours, all you have left is black and white.