Destiny

Hello. I haven't really updated much cause everything's been packed. Not really packed but I was busy. So, a lot happened in a week. I finally went back to school and it was better than I expected. Managed not to skip school until yesterday. I skipped yesterday cause I had to pass up BM work and it was a Thursday and class ends at 1.50pm :/

Guess what? Today's a holiday! It's Malaysia Day :) Seriously, I think Malaysia has the most holidays in the world. I mean we have holidays for almost everything. Every festival, every special day and every annual celebrations. I'm crapping too much I know. I don't even know what I'm talking about now. Haha I'll stop here. Let's talk bout something else.

Okay. So, the next thing that happened last week was St. Michael Institution's Talentime. Tickets were sold a few weeks before the show in school. Prices were RM20, RM50 and RM80 if I'm not mistaken. As usual, I bought the cheapest one cause I was having financial problems :/ Went there with a lot of people. Even saw a lot of people there. Including, him.

In fact the first person I saw was him. Haihh I know I'm supposed to forget about him but everytime he show up, I tend to like him again. I'm scared. I'm scared that I won't be able to forget about him and move on. I have never felt this way before. Maybe because he was my first crush that I texted and talked to. The ones before were just minor ones. Maybe he's the crush that I won't be able to forget until I'll meet someone else. Or maybe I won't even forget about him even after I meet someone else.

I seriously don't know what to do. One point I'll be like, okay I have to forget about him and move on. Then I'll be like maybe we still have hope. Maybe he's not that kind of guy. Maybe there were just some misunderstandings. I don't know. Maybe apart of me still don't want to move on. Maybe I really really can't forget about him. It's hard. It's really really hard. You won't know how hard it is unless you're in my shoes. I just want all of these feelings to be over.

Seeing my friends getting in and out of relationships scares the shit out of me. I don't want all of that to happen to me. It happened to me once and that was it. I had enough of that. Seeing my friends getting into an arguement with their boyfriends really is saddening. I don't want my relationships to be like that too. But, what if it does? What if it'll turn out bad and not the way that I wanted?

PS: I don't know what you're thinking about. Sometimes I'll think that the things you tweet or facebook about is for me or about me. I really want to be with you but maybe it won't happen. Maybe we're just not meant to be. The doubts that I have is more than anything that I think of. Are you trying to give me hints through the things you say or was it just out of random? Sometimes, the things you say makes me really happy cause I somehow think that it's related to me. I don't know what will happen in the future but whatever that will happen will eventually happen. No point trying to make things that are not possible happen and things that are soon to come disappear. What will be, will be. But no matter what, I guess the feelings that I have for you will stay the same until I really can forget about it completely.

Hopes.