Just when I thought everything was nothing but forgotten, it happened again. Last night was rough. Well, at least it was better than some day but that doesn't make any difference, does it? The things the argue about actually relates to one point, which is me.
My grandparents would say it's their problem, not yours. So, let them settle it themselves and you stay out of it. But how can I when it's actually bout me? Having a selfish Dad and a stubborn Mum is really hard cause both sides don't wanna give in.
The last time the argued was the end of last year if I'm not mistaken. That was because of my college funds. According to Mum, they need to start saving more money since I did not get straight A's for my PMR. With 6 A's and 1 B, the chances to apply for a good scholarship is really small. And I do blame myself for that. Sometimes I would think if I had gotten straight A's, they might not argue anymore. But regretting now doesn't make any changes.
Mum say she wanna get a divorce. But she promised that it wouldn't happen until my brother and I finish school. But last night, she told me that she can't stand my Dad's behavior anymore and gonna go get the divorce papers today. I knew it was coming but I didn't expect it to come so fast.
I do cry every time they argue. Last night, I cried too. But I try not to let the others see. Mum told me once to be tough and not let my Dad see my weakness. But I can't. I can't control. I'll try my best to smile and act normal the day after it but I can't when they're arguing. It just hurts so badly.
Just when I start to think that my life was getting better day by day, I'm back to feeling scared, lonely and insecure. But I will try to forget bout it all and move on cause I can't let all of these problems ruin my day. No matter what, I still have to look after myself and focus on my studies for my own future. With a better future, I won't need to suffer anymore. I do believe in miracles.
No comments:
Post a Comment